I write about pain a lot. I talk about pain a lot– to my closest friends, in my yoga classes. It is an easy and tangible common ground for most people. We all have known pain, in one form or another. The experience of heightened emotions is something that makes us human and very much alive. When our ground is shook and we are touched deeply by the passing of someone who has impacted our lives, it makes us ask the big questions like “What the F are we really doing here??”
It is so easy to get stuck in confusion and bitterness… Any time I feel my heart break, I find a truly remarkable gift– my capacity for love grows. Which is ironic… Any time I have felt deep heartache or loss, something inside shifts. It suddenly becomes clear all over again, just how important it is for me to be present with the people in my life. I want to look in their eyes more, or hug a little longer. I want to really listen to their laugh so it is etched in my memory space. I want to put down my fucking phone and have conversations that matter. I want to relate and connect and cry and laugh with the people I feel safe with.
It has been quite some time since I’ve felt the essence of a tight-knit tribe– my friends in Miami are quite epic, and leaving that was a huge struggle for me. As I am currently in the process of finding my tribe here in my new home state, it is so clear to me just how important open and honest friendships are. It is so necessary to be clear in who you are and upfront about what you can share with people who will listen. This mystical phenomenon of forming bonds with other human beings is one way that I have been able to hold one through my darkest moments.
I try to reflect often on the head-space that other people can be in. What are they feeling? What pain have they gone through? Who was the last person they lost? The last funeral they attended? When was the last time their ground was pulled out from under them? When I open up to this way of thinking, any wrong way a person can be automatically starts to disappear. I see them just like me– doing the best they can with what they’ve got. A soul in a body, filled with scars and memories and interesting experiences.
The only way I know how to deal with tragedy is through love. Sometimes I really don’t know how to cope with the pain of what this life is… but when I feel connected, I know that the only way is to love just a little bit more. My dream is a life where all people support each other, inner-demons and all.
Live a little more slowly, forgive easily, and hold the ones you love close. This is the only way.
“Always pray to have eyes that see the best in people, a heart that forgives the worst, a mind that forgets the bad, and a soul that never loses faith.”
“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.”
~Robin Williams
Julia Brenn 