Complete balance, everlasting harmony, peace of mind…. These are all phrases that do not, in any way, describe the way my life has been for the past month. I’ve lacked motivation, felt extremely sluggish, and have had an overall negative perspective on my life. While I’m in this rut, I’m aware that it isn’t real, that it isn’t permanent and that it isn’t anything to worry about, but knowing these things doesn’t in any way change them. I still build up these walls and resist the shitter as hard as I can, which only makes it stronger. So what does one do to get out of this extremely fun and enjoyable rut? No, it’s not “be more optimistic!” or “push through it!”, it is actually a much simpler act – surrender.
Most of what keeps me stuck in this limbo place is the resistance of it. I spend so much time being angry at myself for not being on point with my health or happiness, that I keep myself there. It’s usually the moment where I’m so over fighting it, that I finally let go of it, and things start to fall gently into place. Coming to Asheville was definitely a moment of surrender for me. I told myself a million reasons why it wasn’t a good idea to come here, but I came anyway.
Coming here, I still felt like I didn’t have a drop of creativity left in me and that my writing is complete crap, but I felt inspired. Ah, the sweet relief of finally exiting the rut, climbing out of the shitter, of complete surrender.
I mainly wrote this blog as reassurance to myself that I still could and as a reminder to myself that all I need to do is let go and stop resisting.
Happy Surrendering 🙂